I explained but it’s never enough. My voice is hoarse. But that does not matter. I have another group of people to explain things to. You’d think I can use less words while I do it–but no: once I start I feel compelled to keep going. And worse is I have to mean everything I say. The problem is, when I feel remorse, it’s when no one is around–it hits hard then, when I’m alone and I double over in guilt and shame. I think I can only feel remorse when no one is watching.