I want him so much. I want to be him. I want to be in him. I only pretend to listen to what he has to say while my eyes study him. He knows I’m studying him because I am not  looking into his eyes.
He stops talking.
What? I say.
You’re not listening to me, he says.
You’re right. I am not.
He gives a short laugh.
I’m distracted I tell him. I tell him I’m trying to figure him out.
Well that’s what conversation is for, he says. To learn about someone else.
Not that kind of figuring out. I tell him about the nooks and crannies I want explore and figure out.
Attraction is wanting to figure things out, I tell him.