Bagels clap back.

The donuts raised a ruckus. It wasn’t so bad, this feud of foods (Ha, “foods,” as this reporter quotes in the milieu of it all)

Sweets on social media have caused problems recently as a result of the new findings on junk food now being banned across Britain. The U.S. is now feeling the ripples. Kids are on high alert for cakes and cookies. Dancing sugar plums, this season at least, are being replaced by twerking pastries. This may be the first time when a child is not permitted sugar for an indefinite period of time. What will they do?

Some kids say, “I won’t stand for it and will likely drop to the floor kicking and screaming.”

Toddlers are hoarding the sweets they already have in their posession–knowing the preservatives in them will usurp the value of the the home-baked goods. At least on the Black Market. .

Other more serious children are looking at long-term, crafting robots through a series of underground networks, machines that will usurp yeast fermentation, leavening of flour, various caramelizations.

Stay tuned as this is story is just now breaking…

…bread