When you die, you are forced to deal with at least one angel.

My angel’s name was Ernest Berry. He was a skeletal old black man with two front teeth missing. He was dressed as if he’d just come from work that required manual labor. Perhaps farm work. Faded overalls. Faded Flannel blue. Tan work boots. A Mets baseball cap.

He looked unhappy. Never once smiled since I’d known him, which wasn’t long. If anything his mouth would draw back in scandal-ridden angst whenever I said or asked something which he found inappropriate. Which was all the time, now that I was dead.

I asked him if he was related to Halle Berry.

Big mistake.

“Halle who?” He said, after a grunt.

“The black movie queen,” I said. We were walking at this time, up a hill path that was flanked by St. Augustine grass. Not my favorite grass. I hated hills. Only the sky made sense, satisfied me. It was a bright blue broken up with fleecy clouds.

There was no sun but yet there was seemingly endless sunlight that felt just right. We weren’t sweating, despite the steep hill.

We were just talking. Well, at least I tried to make conversation with him.

“You would’ve had a hardon for Halle,” I said, trying to maintain a certain levity.

It had the opposite effect on Ernest.  His mouth would draw back in scandal-ridden angst. His black eyes narrowed into slits of disapproval.

“My only business is you,” he added with a crook of his finger. “You are my sole responsibility. Talk of women should be reserved for others.”

“There are no others. I haven’t any other angel.”

I was a dead dentist newly arrived to heaven. I’d been an asshole all my life. The angel I’d been assigned to had a lot of work cut out for him. Which I’ll go into later.

But before we go into Ernest’s assignment, I just quickly want to let you guys know what heaven is like.

First, there are no women like Halle Berry around. It’s just you and your angel. In this case, Ernest and I. It’s like this for a rather uncomfortably long time.

Not fun, when the angel doesn’t particularly care for you.