She’s perfect. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a girl. She’s beautiful and smart and has great teeth and she likes to order burritos from Seamless and wash them down with a cold glasses of Chardonnay.

She’s worships me. She pokes me in the ribs and says “I’m always trying to figure you out.”

Me too, sweetie. Me too.

She’s everything. She’s perfect.

But there’s just one problem.

Me.

I’m gay.